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for marcus

do not abuse my heart!  your boy confessions may lift your guilt, but turn your mothers heart inside out.

i am sliding, an old cactus rain stick turned on end, dry seeds rattling through bony spines striking chords of regret, a symphony of mistakes i cannot erase.  this pain is mine, i own it.  it is my space, my sorrow.  no hiding place for two. 

i pray for a second skin, prickly spines to shield us from these growing pains.  let forgiveness find their thorny crown among them too.  for me and you. 

pushing you away is my greatest gift.  only time can heal the pain it brings to give and receive it.  surviving demands sacrifice so go now, and leave me be.  let my heart compose a healing song, let me softly sing the wind that carries you away.  

when you stumble, don't look back.  false comfort lies behind you for the one you knew is long gone.  your truth, your strength, grows with each step you take.  aim your stride well my son, you'll find happiness lives in the journey.    

go now!  while my loving hand still holds power to light the stars when life's clouds hide the moon.  go now!  while my heart beat can still warm the chill of self discovery.  i've only had a little while to guide you and its time for letting go.   may our lives find renewal in a simple leap of faith.... 

leave the boy, and let the man become.....